Reunification

Our little A has been reunified with his parents! This was the goal for his case plan all along and is considered a happy ending… even though it doesn’t feel so happy right now. We miss him so much and everything we see around our house is a constant reminder of his absence. However, on the other side of the story his parents are beyond excited to finally have him back with them. We have been receiving emails from them about how their first couple of days are going and it sounds like they are doing a great job. I know they had to work really hard to comply with all the agency requirements in order to get him back, so we are truly happy for them… but still sad for ourselves at the same time.

The call came on Tuesday to let us know that he would need to be reunified by the weekend. We were stunned because throughout the case plan we had been told that his parents’ visitations would progress from four hour visits, to eight hour visits, to overnight visits, to weekend visits before reunification would happen. So we always figured we would have at least a couple of weeks of warning before he would ever leave. Bam! Just like that, the whole plan changed. My mind started racing right away trying to figure out how we would get him ready to move out that quickly. After being here for six months, we needed to remember which things were his that he came with, which things were given to him as birthday presents or other gifts, and which things we were keeping that we had set up before he even came to us.

:: We decided to take A out to eat that night to put the news out of our minds for one more night. We had taken him out to eat very few times since it’s so hard to do with my food allergies. We though that would be a fun change… and it was!

:: The next morning we sat him down and explained to him best we could that it was time for him to go live with mommy and daddy, and not live with Jesse and Kristin anymore. We told him that we were so glad he got to live us, but that it now it was their turn to take care of him again. We must have reminded him a million times in those last days that even though he was leaving we still loved him very much and will always love him.

:: Wednesday the three of us had a great day playing together all day. I was just trying to memorize every second of him playing in our house, knowing that he wouldn’t be here in a couple of days.

:: Thursday morning we brought A over to his parents’ house for him to be able to check out his new room and get to play in his new house before he just moved in there all of a sudden. Even though this wasn’t required we and his bio parents all agreed that it would be best for him and help him feel more comfortable. We so much enjoyed his parents’ hospitality as they welcomed us into their home for the first time that day. They allowed us to get to see his new room too, and we all talked for a while about A’s schedule, likes, and more!

:: Both Thursday and Friday we had dinner and play time at Nana and Papa’s house, with Dewey and ‘Cole. They’ve been such a big part of his life too, so we really wanted us all to be together for our last dinner (times two, ha ha).

:: Saturday morning we finished packing up all of his clothes, toys, books, and many other items and drove him to his parents’ house. A was silent the whole ride over there. I think he kinda understood what was happening when he saw us carrying in all of his things, but at the same time he was still confused about what was going on. When we left their house I cried all the way home, knowing he was gone.

:: Saturday afternoon we got to see A again! We had made plans weeks ago to attend an event that A’s parents had invited us to. Little did we know A would be arriving with them instead of us. It felt different knowing that he was now in their care instead of ours, but I think it made the transition a little easier on A to get have all four us there to play with him. It was so hard to leave him all over again and head home without him.

:: Sunday we did absolutely NOTHING. We slept in and then sat around all day watching television and moping… and waiting for more email updates from A’s parents. Fortunately for us we got about five email updates about how their first day back together as a family was going. It was completely making our day just to know that A was fine and happy.

A’s parents are being awesome about wanting us to have a continued role in his life. We are so grateful to have the opportunity to keep visiting him occasionally and they said that he could still come to church with us too. They are nice people and I think they will do a great job raising A from here. I still remember how scared I was to meet them for the first time. I honestly thought they would hate us because we had their son and they wanted him back. But they are not like that at all… they appreciate how much we have loved A and now we’ve gained new friends!

We can be praying for A and his parents as they transition into this new chapter in their lives. Pray for renewed energy each day to keep up with A, for patience as they learn how to be a family again, and for some other challenges they are still working on. That’s what I prayed for ourselves the whole time we had A, so I’m sure they could use the same prayers!

Parenting: One Month

Today marks our first full month of being parents! I’d say that overall we’re doing very well, or at least doing the very best that we can. A seems to be feeling a lot more comfortable with us so that must be a good sign. We are starting to understand what he is saying more and more which must be a lot less frustrating for him. And we seem to be able to comfort him more when he falls down or is tired which makes me think that he is feeling attached, which is excellent!

The funniest moments are times when these first-time parents are learning things that a parent of a 2 1/2 year old have usually learned already. People usually assume that we’ve been parents for the time frame to match the child’s age. So there’s been some funny moments like when it took us forever to figure out how to get his swim floaty off at the pool, or when I’m at the store and I have to double check to see what size clothes to buy him, or when the cashier asks me how old he is and I have to take a minute to realize she’s talking to me, or when we couldn’t figure out how to get the stroller to lock so it didn’t fold in on him. I’m sure most people are never paying attention as much as you think they are, but sometimes I wonder if people are noticing our cluelessness.

Two major accomplishments:

Jesse has figured out how to maintain his treatment routine! The first week or so was very hit or miss on treatment times. We were pretty much all over the place in the morning and there didn’t seem to be time to fit in treatments. That was very concerning. Now he has been able to get back into his normal routine which will keep him healthy. He’s even figured out how to add his morning walks back in. Most mornings he’s been taking A with him, sometimes he goes alone if he need thinking time. I taught A how to feel the Vest shaking so that it didn’t seem scary, and A loves to help Jesse throw away his empty treatment trash.

I’m most proud of myself for figuring out how to get back to eating our normal, healthy meals again. The first week or so we did several nights of last-minute pizza, macaroni and cheese, and such as. Too much grains and sugars was leaving me feeling super stuffy and just “blah.” I am feeling so much better now that we are eating real food again. I’ve been doing several crock pot meals mixed in with our other favorites. Best of all, A loves our healthy foods! He eats up fruits as fast I can feed them to him and he keeps surprising me with all the veggies he likes. I think we’ve tried just about every veggie and cucumbers are still the only one he doesn’t eat.

Two goals for next month:

Jesse has been feeling just a little behind on work stuff. It’s been a little harder than we thought for him to concentrate on working while we are downstairs being distracting. We feel like we are getting closer to figuring this one out, but we still have some things to iron out. Jesse has been working on ignoring us unless he hears me yelling for help (which has only happened once so far when A started crying and sunscreen was getting into his eyes making the crying sound like something terrible was happening). We say goodbye to him in the mornings and try to pretend he isn’t here. A gets so excited when he hears Jesse coming back downstairs before dinner!

My goal is to figure out how to fit cleaning into the schedule of the day. It’s amazing how much faster each day goes by, even though sometimes it feels like the day is dragging on forever. Our house gets much messier with extra little fingerprints everywhere, snack crumbs in the carpet, and endless amounts of dirt… I can’t even figure out how he has time to get so dirty! My mind is getting used to having a less clean house, but it would be nice there were time for things to get cleaned eventually.

One month down, many more to go…

Those People

It would seem as though we have officially become “those people!” The ones with the loud/screaming kid walking around the store while everyone is trying to shop quietly. Yesterday I joined the club.

I took A to Walmart with me to buy some new outfits for him and a few other things we needed to pick up. I thought I had picked the best time of the day for an outing. It was right after lunch with plenty of time before nap time. He started out happy and talkative, saying hi to everyone we passed… like he normally does.

I’m not sure what happened, but all of a sudden he was in tears for no reason. Maybe he saw something he wanted that I didn’t see? After that meltdown was over we continued on nicely again for some time. He would hold things that I picked up that we needed to buy and drop them in the cart when he was finished with them. Then we came to a bucket of sand toys we were buying for him… only it was to big for him to hold while in the cart. This started meltdown number two. He did so great at the grocery store the other day, but maybe Walmart items are just too exciting to shop for when he’s with me.

For the most part no one seemed to pay much attention to us… until we got to the checkout. The customer in front of me turned around and kindly let me know that A seemed unhappy and might be tired. REALLY?? Thanks so much, I hadn’t noticed that! She was an older, grandmotherly type lady. I’m sure she meant well, but I’m not sure what made her think she need to let me know her thoughts.

The whole shopping trip was only an hour, maybe. But with how much effort it takes it sure felt like a lot longer. Anyone have any shopping tips to share, or should I just make trips like that when I can go solo?